Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
