It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
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He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
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He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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