I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
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She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
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My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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