I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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