Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize
