Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize