Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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