Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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