U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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