I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
