woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
