Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
