I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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