So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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