i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
she peed on how many people?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
