Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Two words: blizzard sex
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
