The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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