her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
