trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm bleeding and have questions
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
