While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
