i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
