it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
