PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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