Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
