After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I think I sprained my soul last night
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
