if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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