Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
