Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
