you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
