He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
