I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize