We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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