Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
My balls are so social today.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.