do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
She needs sedatives and a leash
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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