filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT