my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn