we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
