If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
