wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
