your thong is hanging out like whoa
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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