Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
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That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
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you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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