This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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