LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
