thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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