i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
did i just pee glitter
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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