omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
