11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Do you remember whose house we're in?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
