She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
