Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
