It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
