Whod you bang
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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