If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
