I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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