Having a random hookup so left but love u
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
