please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
