I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
