We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
