I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Just pee around me
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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