There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
