I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
