Are we in a gay sports bar?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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