there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
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