we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
