soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Alive.
So much puke
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
