Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
