I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
