yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
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The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
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The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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