sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
