You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
