I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
