His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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