You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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