I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
