No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
